Fuck This Shit
by writingandstruggling
Summary: Eddie said the reason he was going to the party was to help Bill out. Yet, his attention was directed to a certain curly haired boy with a big mouth.
1. Chapter 1

Eddie knew this was a bad idea.

He wanted to scream at all the teens grossly pushing into each other as the music blasted throughout each room. So many germs, so many diseases, and too many drunk kids. Going to a high school party was not something he usually did on a Saturday night. No, he would rather watch movies with Bill and the losers. Heck, he would rather hear Ricky go on and on about fucking his mom rather than be here. Yet, here he was. Bill had persuaded Eddie to come.

"C-come on Eddie. I-I-It could be fun." Eddie glared at his best friend who stood at the front door with him. He knew the reason Bill wanted to come and she came quickly to the door to greet them.

"Hey, guys you came! Even you Eddie!" Bev smiled at both boys, her eyes lingering on Bill more than Eddie. Bill blushed and smiled back at the vibrant redhead.

"W-wouldn't m-miss it for the w-world." While Eddie was sure that line sounded smoother in Bill's head Bev did not seem to mind and pulled the two boys into the front room. Eddie turned his nose at the feeling of heat coming from several bodies in the room. Even though this house was not a public place, he could count how many health violations there would be if it was.

"I thought you said there would only be a few people here." Eddie tried to get Bev's attention so he could understand how she magically had more than 100 friends. Beverly shrugged not seeming to be that worried about it.

"It was only going to be us but Richie had other ideas."

"Did I hear my name? Bev, have you finally recognized by undying love for you?" Speak of the devil. Richie swung his arm around Beverly's arm which earned him an eye roll from Eddie. In Richie's other hand was a bottle that defiantly was not root beer. Eddie could tell by the look of Richie that he was already tipsy maybe even drunk.

"Eds! You came! What did Bill have to bribe you with to get you here?" Richie put his other arm over Eddie's shoulder. Eddie looked at the bottle by his ear and pushed Richie off him.

"Don't call me that! You're disgusting." Eddie looked at Richie with disgust which only made Richie's teasing worse.

"Aw, is someone getting angry? You are just the cutest Eds." Richie grabbed Eddie's face a lot more gently than he expected. Eddie still found himself grossed out by Richie's fingers on his face. This guy could have put his hand all over the house without washing it once. However, Eddie couldn't help the blush that spread on his cheeks.

"Shut up trashmouth." Beverly nudged the two boys to get their attention.

"Come on guys, we are sophomores we need to stop fighting and have some fun. High school is not going to last forever." She was right. They only had two more years till they all would go their separate ways. While application season was far away, Eddie would see pamphlets of different school appear on the kitchen counter every week. His mother wanted the best for him and unfortunately for Eddie that meant a college not too far from her. Eddie felt that his relationship with his mother never was fully repaired after what happened three years ago. He felt that he couldn't trust her but still loved her as a son should. She didn't have to know about those pamphlets of schools in California under his bed.

"You are absolutely right beautiful! Eddie, how about we get you a drink huh?" Eddie felt pressure under Richie's gaze. It didn't help that the teen only became more handsome and charming as he grew older. It was almost impossible to say no to Richie. All he had to do was smile and Eddie was a goner.

"I don't know Richie."

"Oh come on, I'll grab you one!" Eddie felt himself being pushed away from Bill and Beverly. He turned to see that they didn't even notice. They both were shyly smiling to each other as Bev took Bill's hand to lead him to some other room. "I'm surprised your mom let you come out tonight Ed. I was planning to stop by later to give her a good night kiss." Richie's comment grabbed Eddie's attention.

"Not funny."

"She can't sleep without it and a good f-"

"Beep Beep Richie." Richie smirked down at Eddie before passing him a beer. Eddie looked at the can with disgust. "You know I hate beer. It tastes like piss."

"Well, it will get you drunk fast." Richie finished off his beer before grabbing another one."

"Are you trying to get me drunk Richie?" Eddie's eyebrows raised as he waited for the older boy to answer. Richie awkwardly laughed before leaning in close to Eddie's ear.

"What if I am? What are you gonna do about it?" Richie's voice sent a chill down Eddie's spine. Richie would always do this. Richie would flirt with everyone boy, girl, it didn't matter to him. Yet, he flirted with Eddie that most. It confused the fuck out of Eddie. As they got older the flirting only got worse. Eddie would sometimes flirt back which would always stop Richie in his tracks. Eddie would laugh which caused Richie to laugh with him. Recently, it seemed to be more consistent. Eddie found himself thinking of Richie more often than before. The real reason he came other than to support Bill was to see Richie. Eddie knew it was stupid and would try to suppress the warm feelings Richie gave him when he touched Eddie's arm or gave him a kiss on the cheek. Eddie's thoughts were interrupted by a girl tapping on Richie's shoulder.

"Hey Tozier, got a cig?" Eddie turned to see Amy Huston smirking in Richie's direction. The same Amy Huston that Richie would admire at lunch. Richie would talk about her ass and how he would love to get her in a room alone. The losers would usually beep Richie before he could get into the naughty details. Every time Richie would go on about Amy Eddie felt sick. At first, he thought it was the thought of sex that made him sick but he soon learned it was the idea of Richie having sex with someone else. The day Eddie realized he had feelings for Richie was a Friday. He was walking down the hall, one more class and he was off for the weekend. He took some time from his fifth period to go to the bathroom. On the way there he saw Richie leaning on a locker with some blonde chick close by. Eddie couldn't help but stare as the girl twirled her hair and moved closer to Richie. Richie responded by letting his free hand trace circles on her arm. The same thing he did for Eddie when he was having a panic attack. Eddie booked it before Richie could seem him but the familiar pain of jealousy settled in his stomach.

"Fuck me." Eddie slammed his fist on a locker as he realized he wasn't jealous of Richie but the girl Richie was eyeing. He almost had a attach right there and reached for his inhaler but stopped as he accepted the facts.

He was in love with Richie Tozier.

So as Richie gave all his attention to Amy Huston, Eddie only looked down at his feet feeling the jealousy rise in his chest.

"Anything for a beautiful woman like yourself." Richie reached into his jacket pocket and handed her a cigarette. She smiled and let her hand glide across his to take the cancer stick into her own hand. She looked at Eddie for a second before bringing her attention back to Richie. She looked at Eddie as if she was weighing her options like he would want her too. Eddie scoffed to himself. What a bitch.

"How about you join me." She was assertive with her statement, making it known it was never a question to begin with. Richie looked at Eddie with an excited smile and Eddie felt his heart drop. Amy took Richie away to the front porch, leaving Eddie by himself. High school fucking sucks.

An hour passed but Eddie stayed in the same corner he was in before. He watched all the people dance and make out like there were no consequences for their actions. He decided to not look for the rest of the losers. He knew Bill wanted time with Bev and Stan wasn't even here. He could see Mike talking up a few girls across the room and Ben trying to be a wingman but not really doing much. A few girls looked him up and down as they passed but eventually moved on to find another victim. Eddie did not want to kiss any of these girls. He didn't want to kiss any girl at all which he struggled with for a few years. He would vent to Bill and Beverly about it till they came to the conclusion that girls were not meant for Eddie. He found them beautiful but not attractive. He never told Bill and Beverly about his feelings for Richie. Why would he? He would just get pity looks from them for the rest of his life and eventually the rest of the losers when they found out. Richie was like a magnet. Even though people complained about his mouth and how annoying he could be, he could get people to like him just as fast. When they started their sophomore year it was like a light switched went off for girls. That light switch was Richie Tozier. Girls from all grades would try to get to know Richie. Rumors began to spread about how many girls he slept with and his constant remarks began to be backed up by them. Only the losers ever groaned when Richie talked about his dick size or how many girls he slept with. He would always add how he had a special place in his heart for Eddie's mom which Eddie hated.

Eddie continued to look around the room. The beer in his hand untouched. Watching with annoyance until he saw Richie with his arm around Amy. She was even closer to Richie than she was before. Eddie wanted to look away but he couldn't stop himself from watching Richie hold this girl like how Eddie wished he would hold him. Their lips began to inch closer together while Eddie watched Richie lean in. Eddie wanted to throw up. Eddie's grip on the can began to tighten. Beer began rushing out of the opening onto the floor. Richie made eye contact with Eddie just as his lips touched hers. He didn't close his eyes even though it was a kiss. He continued to stare at Eddie who couldn't look away. Eddie felt his face change from angry to confusion. Richie had concern in his eyes as he watched the smaller teen from across the room. As the girl threw her arms around Richie's neck Eddie had enough.

"Fuck this shit." Eddie pushed people out of his way and he made his way to the door. Once he got outside he threw the can into the bushes, making a mental note to pick it up later. The cold fall air felt refreshing on his hot skin. His body was getting red from anger or was it jealousy? He didn't care as he continued to move towards the back of the house to find someplace to cool down. Tears began to spill from his eyes as he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Eddie, wait." Eddie stopped but did not turn around. He knew it was Richie but he didn't know why he was here.

"Shouldn't you be making out with your dream girl right now?" The question was loud and harsh. Luckily no one was near the back of the house to hear. Richie did not respond right away. Eddie almost thought he walked away.

"Why are you so upset?" Richie did not ask in his normal teasing voice. He sounded concerned as if he was worried. Eddie finally turned around. Richie's eyes grew wide as he saw tears dropping from Eddie's chin.

"Why? Are you fucking kidding me Tozier? You have been torturing me for months!" Eddie couldn't stop himself from shaking with frustration as Richie walked closer. "You walk around with girl after girl right in my fucking face. You flirt with me all the fucking time but drop me when a girl gives you an ounce of attention." Eddie stepped back almost tripping over a hose trying to keep the space he needed. Richie didn't get the hint or decided to not care as he kept trying to get closer to Eddie.

"Eddie I-"

"I'm not fucking done here. It is killing me to see you with these girls that don't give a crap about you." " I am sick of feeling like shit after you brag about sleeping with some girl you barely know when I have been here this whole fucking time. I have loved you for years, Richie. YEARS. And you have the audacity to-"Eddie found himself unable to speak due to Richie's lips pressing into his. Eddie froze in shock. His eyes wide open as Richie kept his closed, applying light pressure hoping the teen would kiss back. Eddie relaxed into the kiss and kissed Richie back. Richie pulled back and looked at the dazed boy in front of him.

"And you say I talk too much Eds." Richie laughed as he held Eddie's face in his hands.

"Don't call m-"Again Richie stopped Eddie by using his lips. This time Richie pushed Eddie against the wall of the house. The music still blasting from inside as people yelled and hollered. No one could see the two teens only a few feet from the window kissing each other fiercely. Richie began to explore Eddie's mouth with his tongue which made Eddie dizzy. Eddie grabbed Richie's hair which earned him a giggle from Richie.

"Wow, Eddie you are more of a freak than in my dreams." What? Did he just say in his dream? Implying that he thought of Eddie the same way? Eddie had a lot of questions that would have to be answered. Richie began to kiss Eddie's neck which emptied his brain of all thought. Yes, he had a lot of questions but for now, they could wait.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a full 24 hours since Eddie's lips were on Richie's. Eddie sat in his room trying to engrave the memory of Richie in his brain. His eyes, his smile, his hands clinging to Eddie's shirt. All of that, he never wanted to forget. Eddie was nervous about tomorrow. Tomorrow was Monday which would mean he would see Richie for the first time since that night. He wondered if Richie would act differently around him. Eddie still needed to ask Richie all those questions he had that night. Why there, why now? Eddie had dreamed for this to happen for years. Yet, now he felt worse than before the kiss. He did not know where they stood. Was this a onetime thing or a lifetime thing? Eddie had never felt this insecure in his life. He looked at the clock to see that it was already past midnight. However, sleep seemed far away as his mind continued to race. Eddie began to take deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. It was going to be okay. It's not like he confessed his undying love for Richie. Oh wait, shit, that was exactly what he did. Eddie cringed at himself before shoving a pillow in his face. He let out a long groan.

"Honey are you okay?" Eddie could hear his mother right outside his door, hovering like always.

"I'm okay mom, just trying to sleep." He heard something slide under his door and looked down to see two pills waiting to be swallowed. Eddie felt a surge of anger as he grabbed the pills from the floor. He was about to yell for his mom when he realized they were not illness pills, they were sleeping pills. His anger dropped to annoyance. His mother meant well, sometimes. Eddie threw the pills out the window instead of throwing them in the trash. He knew his mother checked the trash to see if he was throwing them away. Luckily for Eddie, she was not much of a gardener.

"W-where did y-you go last night?" Bill looked at Eddie from across the lunch table. Eddie never met up with Bill after he had his encounter with Richie. Instead, Richie walked him home leaving a kiss on Eddie's cheek before departing. Eddie tried to act as cool as possible.

"I went home." Eddie took a bite of his apple so he could not answer any more questions Bill might throw his way. Eddie wasn't exactly lying anyway. Everyone was at the table except for Richie. Ben and Stan sat at the end of the table comparing notes of their last bird watching adventure. Mike was more focused on his food than any conversation that was being held at the table. Beverly was right by Bill's side, not leaving anything up for interpretation about her relationship with Bill. Eddie sat across from them with an open space on his right side. He was hoping a certain curly haired teen would be coming any second. "I'm sure you guys had enough fun without me."

Bill tried to hide the blush that was spreading on his face from Eddie's words. Unlike Bill, Beverly did not seem fazed at all. She lightly laughed before kissing Bill's shoulder. Stan and Ben stopped their research to look at the new couple before returning to their work. Ben looked back a bit slower than Stan.

"It was weird. I couldn't find Richie anywhere either." Bev looked to Eddie for answers. Eddie just shrugged before feeling a rush of wind at his side.

"Oh, Beverly darling, you can't stop talking about me, now can you?" Richie finished off his British accent with a smirk towards Bev. Beverly smiled and laughed before throwing a piece of cracker his way.

"Oh, please Richie, you know you're not my type." She smiled at Bill who smiled back. Eddie could see their hands join under the table as well. Richie's eyebrows raised as he watched the new couple interact with each other.

"I see Bill got lucky last night." Richie wiggled his eyebrows at Bill. Bill shook his head before looking at Beverly.

"It's n-not l-like that." Richie rolled his eyes before moving closer to Eddie. Eddie felt hot. Maybe it was cause the heat was on high in the cafeteria or maybe the boy next to him looked a bit nicer than he normally did. If anyone asked, he would blame the cafeteria. Eddie couldn't help but look at Richie. He was wearing a new shirt that complimented his eyes and his hair looked like it was combed for once. Could Richie have done that for him?

"Where were you last night Richie? I tried to find you but you went missing with Amy." Beverly's question caught the attention of everyone at the table, even Stan. Eddie felt sweat drip from the back of his neck. He tried to act casual but he really wanted to know how Richie was going to answer this one. Eddie didn't think he would say that he and Eddie were making out outside. Eddie also didn't think his friends would believe that. Richie shrugged before taking a bite out of Eddie's apple which only made Eddie blush.

"I gave the lady a smoke and she gave me something in return."

"You guys had sex?" Mike asked leaning in to hear Richie's answer. It seemed like all the losers were leaning near Richie now. Eddie wanted to die right there. This was the most embarrassing moment he had ever experienced at a lunch table. He felt the heat of Richie's body next to him. Was Richie going to tell them or worse, would he lie? Eddie didn't know which answer he wanted to hear. Richie didn't look at Eddie once since he got to the table. He didn't even tease him. Maybe Richie regretted last night. Maybe it was a mistake. Eddie's mood shifted from nervous to sad. He felt Richie's eyes on him for the first time that day. Richie noticed Eddie's sudden mood change when Eddie slumped into his seat. He opened his mouth finally to give them the answer they were waiting for.

"I d-"

"Hey Richie." The losers looked up to see the girl in question. Amy was smiling down at Richie. Eddie was losing it inside. He did his best to keep his composure and hid his shaking hand under the table. Richie looked speechless. He recovered quickly and gave Amy a wink.

"How may I help you this time, beautiful?" Richie played the role of a straight guy very well. So well in fact that Eddie began to think Saturday night was just a dream. Amy leaned down towards Richie. She looked as if she was going to whisper in his ear but instead let the whole table hear their conversation.

"I want to finish what we started. Perhaps under the bleachers." Her voice was seductive and assertive like that night. Again, she made it clear that she was not asking. Everyone was on edge to hear his answer. Eddie, however, was trying to think of a way to get the hell out of there. His face was red. He felt embarrassed for thinking Richie ever liked him. Maybe Richie was just curious and wanted to get his fix with Eddie. Beverly looked at Eddie, ignoring the conversation everyone was interested in. She placed her hand on Eddie's under the table. Eddie's eyes shot up to look at Bev's. She looked at him with sad eyes like she felt pity for him. Oh shit. She knew. Of course, she fucking knew. This made Eddie want to leave right away. He couldn't take it anymore. He began to prepare to leave, grabbing his things. Right before he sat up, Richie's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"I'm sorry love. I can't do that." The table was dead silent. Before anyone could say something, the bell announcing that lunch was over rang throughout the room. The room grew noisier as teens began to gather their things and walk to class. Richie didn't look at anyone and left the room. The guys looked at him as if he just wasted the opportunity of a lifetime. Amy looked shocked for a moment as if Richie threw a bucket of ice water on her. She recovered and left without looking at anyone. She left no trace of rejection on her face as she found another person to pursue. The losers began collecting their things. Eddie got up fast before Bev could say anything.

"Eddie!" He did not dare look at her as he walked out of the room. The hallway was crowded just like his thoughts. What just happened? What does that mean? He thought Richie was done messing with his head. Eddie knew he wouldn't be able to find Richie until school was over. He sighed to himself before entering his classroom. He would just have to wait.

School felt like it was taking forever. Eddie did not let his eyes leave the clock until the bell rang signaling that class was over. Even though he should be rushing out of his seat looking for Richie, he sat there frozen. Eddie had never been in this situation in his life. He did not know what was going on between him and Richie. Richie was his best friend and he did not want to lose that. What if they did get together and things didn't work out? They may never see each other again if that happened. While they all made a pact to come back if It appeared again, Eddie felt he would lose Richie. Once everyone was out of the room he finally gathered his stuff and left. The hallways were not as crowded as before. It was as if he was facing the calm before the storm. The storm being Richie Tozier. It did not matter what would happen. All Eddie knew was he, he was glad he could express his feelings and had his first kiss over with. Eddie took a deep breath and opened the front door of the school. He began to walk down the steps but stopped when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Eddie raised his hand to defend himself before realizing it was Richie.

"Woah, Woah, slow down Eds." Richie raised his hands in front of him to show he meant no harm. "You going to beat me up or something? I'm not really into that unless your mom comes over."

"Beep beep Richie." Eddie glared at the taller boy before silence grows between them. Richie awkwardly smiled and rubes the back of his neck.

"Can we talk?" Richie's tone is serious now. He looked at Eddie with hopeful eyes as if he might say no. Eddie nodded his head yes and followed Richie to the open field. Like Eddie would ever say no to Richie when he looked that good. Once they reached far enough to be isolated from the high school they sat down. They sat in silence for what seemed like hours even though it was only a minute. Eddie finally gained enough courage to open his mouth.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about Saturday." Eddie looked Richie in the eyes. Richie looked determined and serious, something Eddie rarely saw. Eddie looked back down at the grass and started twirling it in-between his fingers.

"I'd like to talk about it too." This made Richie more relaxed. Eddie could tell in his body language.

"I want you to know that I meant it. That kiss. I know it may not seem that way with how I act lately." Richie looked down at the grass too as if he was contemplating what to say next. Eddie beat him to it.

"Why did you tell her no?"

"Huh?" Richie looked at Eddie confused.

"Amy. Why did you say no to Amy?" Richie took a long time to answer. It made Eddie feel nervous. This time Eddie held his hands together so he would not shake.

"I don't like her. I never have, I never will."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said before but I didn't mean it." Eddie looked at Richie confused. He wanted to ask more questions but felt like his brain was becoming mush from the emotional stress he experienced. Richie sighed before continuing. "I've never had sex with a girl. I know I talk a lot of shit when I am around you guys. I just wanted to feel desirable." Eddie looked at Richie in shock. It was not often that Richie was vulnerable with Eddie. The last time he was, Richie was talking about his mother forgetting his birthday.

"Why? Do you not feel like we care? Cause we do, I know I do."

"I know you guys care Eddie. I just, I don't know." Richie ran his hand through his curls, making them messy in the process. "I like girls. I've kissed them I know I like it but I also like guys too. If I told my parents they would kick me out for sure. I have always had feelings for you Eddie, always. When we started high school girls started to notice me and I thought." He paused before continuing. "I thought they could distract me from the feelings you gave me."

"Oh." Eddie felt hurt. He began to look down at the ground again until Richie's hand brought Eddie's face up towards him.

"No, please hear me out Eds." Eddie almost corrected Richie about calling him Eds but he was more interested in what Richie had to say. "When I saw your face at the party I know I couldn't hide it anymore. If I knew I had a chance with you before I would have jumped you a lot sooner."

"That's not very romantic Richie." Eddie couldn't help but smile as Richie cursed at himself.

"I'm sorry I just want you to understand. I said no to Amy because I want you. I always have and now that I know you feel the same I feel like I can say this." Richie brought Eddie's lips to his for a moment before whispering. "I love you Eddie Kaspbrak." Eddie felt like all the pain and unknown feelings were all worth this moment.

"You are such a jerk trashmouth." Eddie laughed before placing his lips on Richie's. Eddie knew they would face hard times for being together. They had to tell their friends and eventually the world. It all seemed worth it if he could be with Richie for the rest of his life.

"Now, the first order of business. Eds, will you go on a date with me?" Richie stood up and gave his hand to Eddie. Eddie was shocked at first by the question before smiling and taking Richie's hand. It would all be worth it in the end. "Of course, your mom will forever be my first love."

"You ruin everything."


End file.
